Today, although I’ve written about four pages, I wrote the toughest four pages of my life. Today, I had to show someone the paradise of their own mind, and not only that! That someone was fictional so I had to show it to them and create it all in one bulky motion.
I firmly believe in cerebral paradise (it’s a big aspect of my story). Mine is lovely. It’s just like this huge bed with the softest white sheets and the most wonderful down comforter. I think at some point there should be some sort of nice hunk that brings me the most wonderful cheeseboard of all time. I used to do this cocoon project with writing classes when I was in high school. It’s almost like a meditative experiment. Lots of “Close your eyes and pretend you are in the most comfortable environment you can imagine.” It was always my favorite day in writing class. It was like taking a relaxing nap. That’s where my cloud-bed of goodness came from.
I think that my character is a lot smarter than me and it’s causing me a bit of trouble. Maybe she’s only eleven, but she has figured things out that I like to think about sometimes, but don’t have her childish resolution on. Maybe when I was a kid I knew what she knows, but right now I’m in the rocky terrain of my early twenties: I realize that I know absolutely nothing for sure anymore.
So I’m trying to give her–her name is Bean, by the way–a cocoon of sorts. It’s hard to clear your mind and close your eyes and imagine someone else’s vision of paradise. It’s even harder to expand that view until you’re created an entire world of it (Bean just can’t do anything by half!), and it’s even harder to make every piece of that world meaningful and influential on the greater arch of a story. Four pages of paradise seems more like a roadmap of my entire story.
What doesn’t help is that–when trying to make an actual map–I can’t draw. I see it. I get it laid out but then I try to put it down in a picture and for some reason I’ve created a fourth, fifth and sixth dimension (which can make for an interesting story, but a horrible map). Needless to say my map now looks like this:
What the hell is that? I swear it translates at least nominally better into words.
I think I need to simplify my idea of reality. Or, better yet, I think I need to simplify my character’s view of reality. She’s far to ambitions in her imaginings.
What I think most of all, though, is how badly I need a cheeseboard right about now.